Every now and then you experience those rare moments in life that force you to rethink your self-imposed hiatus from The Facebook. For the last few weeks I have been able to resist the urge to log back in to "The Book". That is until today, when my little girl - oh we had a little girl, Eva, since my last blog post - caused me so much anguish as a Father I just had to share that moment with the world. I didn't want to give in to "The Book". I thought to myself: "Self - you could share these awesome moments via your blog!" So, I spent the afternoon trying to remember my login credentials to my world renowned blog. (Good luck, hackers! I can't even remember my username and password combo so it will likely be another 6 years before I am able to make another post!) After I finally gained access to my blog, reality hit me like a ton of bricks! I had no idea that my blog had reached an all time high (and, unprecedented) level of popularity. I couldn't help but think about my poor fans. Had I really kept my fans waiting for my next post? Were they sitting at home constantly refreshing their browser in anticipation of my next post?! Was my inbox full of hate mail in the absence of posts? I now realize it was simply not fair of me to deprive you - my fans - any longer! No more waiting and wondering when my next post would take place. Here it is! Just for you! You - my loyal fans - all 3 of you. THREE. T.H.R.E.E
THREE. BLOG. FOLLOWERS???? How'd this happen?!
(Spoiler Alert: Next blog post will describe my call to the help desk to alert them that their web traffic counter is broken - there is no way my blog only garnered 28 visits in 6 years)
So what has happened in the last 6 years? We moved. We had a third kid, Eva. Ashley changed jobs. All three children were diagnosed with some level of a lazy eye (thanks, Ashley!) and now have glasses. Gravity on earth has increased in the last 3 years, and as a result my weight registers slightly more on the scales. My 20 year streak of not vomiting ended (thanks Will & Spence! #GermBreeders).
Eva (upon hearing Ashley vomit several times - don't worry she is ok now): Mommy sure is having a tough time in there!
Will: When is Mommy going to be better, you're boring.
Me: Eva! Put your dress down! We are in public and nobody needs to see what is under your dress!
Eva (indignantly pointing to her upper thigh): Umm, Daddy, What about my tattoo?!
#ParentFail
Spence (complaining about the dinner I made): You told me you would give me just the Joe, not the Sloppy!
There it is folks, the update you have all been waiting for has finally happened! Now, I must sign off because Game of Thrones is on!!!
PS - I selfishly logged back in on The Book today so I could post a link to my blog and get more followers!
